One Must Imagine Mario As Happy is a hack made by UPOW_131 for the SimpleFlips' Troll Hack Competition (2023), in which it placed 64th. It is a plot-heavy troll hack with two possible endings. While this hack contains a myriad of funny dialogue, the story itself is quite dark. Coins do not heal Mario in this hack, except for in the first two courses.
- See also: One Must Imagine Mario As Happy/Gallery
Plot[]
Mario is being held prisoner who is forced to participate in a neverending gameshow run by the Bob-ombs intended to torture him with a sisyphean-style mission of obtaining a single Star, which is all he would need to escape. The gameshow is deliberately rigged against Mario and was never intended for him to obtain a Star, but nonetheless he can do so, and can escape with one. If the numbers on the courses are to be believed, then Mario has already unwillingly participated in thousands of rigged levels. After dying in a level, he progresses onto the next one.
After dying in the second course, TEXTURE INTERPRETATION TEST, the presenter makes the "exciting" announcement that due a change of plans, if Mario is unable to beat any of the next three levels, he will be executed.
Courses[]
There are five courses with one obtainable Star each, and a sixth course without a Star that is encountered as part of the Good Ending. There are no Act Select screens in this hack, so each course has only one Act each.
The Level ID, Maker and Active Viewers columns included in the table below are taken from the level select room in the overworld.
| Area ID | Course Name | Level ID | Maker | Active Viewers | Act |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| C1 | Hella start | 5543214 | Dr. Rogue Tuckerson | 1,322,080,367 | THE ONE STAR! |
| C2 | TIT (Texture Interpretation Test) | 5543214 | Pr. Miller Wee Oswald | 1,367,002,997 | CHIP OFF WHOMP'S BLOCK |
| C3 | Inner Prision Zen Temple (AKA the MOP underground) | 6893255 | Jeroch'n Roll Williams | 1,899,245,001 | BULLET BILL FANS BE LIKE: THERE IT IS |
| C4 | Dead Simple (AKA DEAD SIMPLERRRRRRRRR) | 3562342 | Jhon Romerto | 3,211,789,124 | SLIP SLIDIN' MY BOOMBABALLS |
| C5 | Ludwig's Anti Aircraft Millitar Facility | 0000254 | Director King Bob-omb | 12,211,789,124 | MY HILLS HAVE BILLS |
| C6 | ESCAPE | N/A | SNOWMAN'S BIG HEAD | ||
Mario's Room[]
Today's show is almost Starting, get up dipshit
This area is an oversized room of sorts that Mario is being kept in, but the entry message for this area makes it clear that he has no free will in this space. It is unclear if this is a cell specifically, or his own room that has been repurposed into a holding cell for him. A sign near the warp pipe for the first course reveals more about Mario's treatment:
You used to eat on this table everyday
But now you're not the man you used to be
........
It's actually been a while since they fed you 1UPs
You're so hungry
Stars/Areas[]
C1: HELLA START - THE ONE STAR![]
- Every fourth step on the white stairs is lava; the rest of the steps are safe.
- The platforms under the coins and around them are lava.
- The platform with the red switch on it is quicksand, although the switch itself is safe.
- The lava texture in front of the exit door is not lava.
- The "void" directly underneath the Star is actually an invisible platform that can be easily jumped to.
- The two structures on either side of the Star only have collision on their top side.
C2: TEXTURE INTERPRETATION TEST - CHIP OFF WHOMP'S BLOCK[]
This course is a series of small islands, some with more to them than meets the eye.
This Star is an 8 Red Coin mission. See the maps to see which red coins are being discussed; coins 1-4 are located in the lower section of this level, and coins 5-8 are in the upper section.
- Red Coin 1 is two platforms ahead of Mario's starting point. Both the piranha plant's platform and red coin's platform are safe, but be aware of a hidden warp occupying the same space as the red coin. This is a fading warp, so it can be avoided so long as Mario doesn't stand still.
- Red Coin 2 is on a black and white checkered platform. Standing on this platform will activate a timer that reduce the amount of time Mario has left to get the Star to just 2 minutes 30 seconds. Recommend getting this red coin last or much later on than the others.
- Red Coin 3 is on a platform with sticky sand collision, making it very hard to jump off of it. After collecting the coin, jump down between the beta-style trampolines (recommend not using them- the bounce is very low and unreliable), and make sure Mario hasn't sunk into the sand yet (mash the A button). Perform a sideflip towards the platform and wallkick off of it to gain enough momentum to jump to an adjacent platform.
- Red Coin 4 is on a platform with Mario's face on it. This platform has lots of invisible slopes on it, so tread very carefully to avoid suddenly sliding off of the platform.
- Red Coin 5 is on a platform with an invisible wall through it; jump to this platform from the opposite side (where the flag pole is) to collect the coin.
- Red Coin 6 is on the same platform as Koopa the Quick. Do not bother entering a race with him; the Star he spawns cannot be obtained.
- Red Coin 7 is above a Whomp, jump to grab it and don't get flattened.
- Red Coin 8 is on a platform near to the Star's spawn point; the surface of this platform is slippery as ice, so be careful not to slip off. The platform preceding it appears to have large slopes on it that would kill Mario, but these slopes have no collision, and the platform under them can be jumped to safely.
C3: INNER PRISON ZEN TEMPLE - BULLET BILL FANS BE LIKE: THERE IT IS[]
This course takes place in a bizzare prison-like structure.
C4: DEAD SIMPLERRRRRRRRR - SLIP SLIDIN' MY BOOMBA BALLS[]
C5: LUDWIG'S ACK-ACK FACILITY - MY HILLS HAVE BILLS[]
This course is a large arena full of what appears to be batteries.
C10: ESCAPE - SNOWMAN'S BIG HEAD[]
This course appears visually similar to C1. It can be reached by entering the Star door from any of the courses, which requires one Star. Upon entering this course, Mario is greeted by a signpost:
King Bob-omb himself can be found on top of the building Mario exited upon entering the course. Mario has three choices: do as the director wants and return to the show to be executed; defeat King Bob-omb and proceed to the exit, or ignore him completely and just leave. Dialogue for this course can be found below, under the heading "Good Ending".
Unobtainable Stars[]
- In Course 10: Escape, defeating King Bob-omb will spawn a Power Star in an area that cannot be reached.
- In Course 2, beating Koopa The Quick in a race will spawn a Star back up on the platform Mario fell from, which he can no longer reach.
Dialogue[]
Star-Get Message:
Against all odds, the contestant reached the Star! Will he be able to leave the room though?
Would you like to hold this moment with your arms?
➤Yes ➤No
Opening Star Door Message:
Wha
The contestant reached the door
Fuck
Course 5[]
Presenter:
Hey dickhead
Welcome to your last living moments
There's an ad break going on right now so I'll let my bobs hang
You recognise that hill over there? My grandma used to live there
I remember the last time I we visited
My whole family was visiting her, she was so happy because of it...... But suddenly, right before lunch was ready BOOOOOOOOOM The entirety of Ludwig's castle came crashing down, the debris making half my family explode
And "you" where the dickhead that launched that castle into us
What the FUCK was wrong with you? Do you have any idea how much that scarred me for life? I haven't been the same since. And neither has the director
And all of that for what? So you could act all cool and strong? Go fuck yourself, Mario
I hope you choke on an entire goomba and d-
WELCOME back everyone! Mario here is about to play the last level he'll ever play! Isn't that exciting?
Endings[]
Haha, seems like your time is up, Mario
Awwww, don't look all upset now
The appeal of this show always was that this is extremely unfair to you
Just get in the pipe
Narration:
Mario gets loaded into the missile launcher
Upon request, he did not say any final words
After a long wait. The Missile blows
And with that
Mario fucking dies
lol
Death?:
Hello, Mario. Harverster of 1-Ups.
It is I, the ruler of all hellscape. Welcome. For a long time, your ability to cheat death has been a bother
No living being should be allowed to escape me
Yet, I only recieved the support needed to finally punish you recently, due to your acts of treason against the divine.
You, who once believed that no one was above you in wits and strenght, would now be doomed to an endless assortment of levels
Levels meant to always trick you. To always outsmart you
To always beat you into a place of complete chagrin
For eternity you were supposed to painfully climb to the heights of victory just to roll all the way back down to misery
Losing all your progress
Every single time
This at first satisfied
But then it hit me
This punishment still involved you offending me by cheating death
You still are a bother
Now I want something else.
I don't want any more gameshows directed by delusional bob-ombs with a manipulated sense of reality
I want your soul
You shall be punished in hell like you always should've
Your story is far from being over
Narration:
And with that, Mario joins the prisoners of hella
You really are leaving the show right before the finale, aren't you? Listen here buster, because you're making a BIG mistake
You really think you'll find a good life out there?
No one will be allowed to shelter you, you'll live alone and die alone. You belong here
So..... Shush Mario Jesus!
I don't wanna hear it! I know what's best for you, go back to the show and die like the man I raised you to be!
The Director:
You forced my hand
(Defeated) The Director:
BLOOOOOOUCH
AAAAAAAAAARGH
No...... Beaten by my own son. This can't be!
Please..... spare me!!!
I'm sorry son...... I've been doing so many odd things. And it's like my brain doesn't even process them when I do it....... And-
Wait!
What're you doing?
NAA-